An inexhaustive list of things someone experiencing abuse thinks about during the day.

Throughout the day, we have more than 6,000 thoughts. The things on our mind can be as simple as “what to have for dinner” and more complex as “should I move to another city.” As a survivor of intimate partner violence, I reflected on what was on my mind and what other survivors have shared with me during our time experiencing relationship abuse. Here is a list of just some of the thoughts that many survivor-victims think about. This is not an exhaustive list; each survivor’s experience is different.

• Should I wear this outfit or will he have something to say?

• Should I try to cook his favorite meal to make peace?

• Is she going to be in a bad mood today after work?

• Do my colleagues know?

• Should I tell someone?

• Will anyone care?

• Can anyone see this bruise?

• I wish they stop calling me at work

• I can’t lose my job because of him

• Maybe I should call the hotline

• Why won’t he stop yelling at me

• I can’t focus thinking about how scary last night was

• I wish he was like he was in the beginning

• Maybe if I change a little bit.

• I hate when they laugh at me in front of other people

• I wish they wouldn’t call me a bitch or slut

• I want to run away

• I hope my kids are safe

• I need to keep my kids safe

• I wish he hadn’t killed our pet

• I can’t trust anyone with this

• I wish my friends would stop asking me if I am okay

• I wish someone cared

• I wish someone would save me

• I can’t afford to leave

• I hope he doesn’t kill me

As employees, family, and friends, this list can be used to consider showing grace and compassion. Ask empathy-based questions, look up local resources, and consider getting outside support.