Empathy-based questions to ask someone experiencing domestic violence

When I was experiencing intimate partner violence, I would talk to my friends about what I was going through in a way that made it seem like just typical relationship issues. But the fact was, I didn’t realize I was in an abusive relationship. However, one of my best friends is a social worker, and she had her suspicions. Later she shared with me that she had called a hotline to ask for help in supporting me.

After working with survivors and speaking with family, friends, and colleagues, I realize many people do not know how to bring up the topic and ask questions. There may be fear about saying the wrong thing or being wrong about the situation. So, here are some empathy-based questions to ask someone who is or may be experiencing domestic violence. You can download the full list of questions here.

• Are you safe at home or in your relationship?

• How can I best support you?

• You are not quite you today; want to talk about it?

• When you are experiencing challenges, how can I best support you?

• How are things going at home?

• How does your partner treat you at home?

• Are you in immediate danger?

• Would you be okay with me checking in periodically to ensure you are

  safe?

Sometimes, asking the right questions that show you care and have empathy can transform a survivor-victim’s life.